What Steady Eddie says and more...

Steady Eddie says a lot.
It matters not whether you pay attention to him or not.
He just harps on and on about the virtues of consistency, moderation and steadiness.
Maybe he has a point — who's to say he doesn't?

At the end of the day, Steady Eddie, aside from being an Australian comedian and a stupid looking toy truck, is only a device I'm using to illustrate a point. He's merely a pleasant and happy enough mascot working for an evil corporation (in this case, my blog and NOT the good people at Disney), if you will. But I digress... Steady Eddie feels, as he mentioned earlier, that consistency and steadiness are man's (or woman's — Eddie's no misogynist) best friends.

I find it hard to disagree with him. For the exclamation point on this theory, I only have to look as far as the jingoistic celebrations after the Indian cricket team returned from their triumphant campaign at the ICC World Twenty20 Championships (or whatever the bureaucrats like to call it to avoid calling it a "World Cup"). I need not go into the details of the five-hour open-top bus ride, the hordes that thronged for a glimpse of their "all-conquering heroes", the insane hold-ups in traffic that Dhoni later expressed immense pride about achieving and the ridiculous demonstration of political hob-nobbing executed by Sharad Pawar and his buddies to curry favour with the masses.

But wait, that wasn't all. The board and individual state governments lavished tax-payer money all over the winners, showering them with cash, cars, property, the works! This after threats of cutting their pay after a lousy World Cup... Honestly, these guys should write a book on parenting. How to beat the living daylights out of your kids when they screw up and buy them a Rolex after performing one good deed by the BCCI! Hell, I'd buy a copy of it. Still, that's not all bad, considering the fact that renowned (erm... honestly insert own word here — communal instigator, mass manipulator or just a simple cocktail of expletives; take your pick) Narendra Modi was humbled into giving Irfan Pathan and his brother Yusuf some sort of a monetary gift. So, all's well right?

Well, not entirely. Look at the braying idiots who danced alongside the bus and spared no opportunity to yell out, "Chak de India" (more on that later). These very idiots were the same fickle minded oafs who burnt effigies after the World Cup campaign in the West Indies earlier this year. They were the same ones talking about how the whole team should be sacked. They were the same morons lining up to burn down the houses of people whose only fault was being outclassed, outperformed and outdone in a game. That's right, a game. So they were defeated, big deal. I'm sure they were plenty disappointed themselves without having to face the misplaced wrath of millions of fools vicariously living their lives and ambitions through the fortunes of a sports team. That may seem harsh, but if you look at it really objectively, it really is that way.

As for Chak de India; a fun movie, no doubt about it — the "misfit team with a disgraced coach" Mighty Ducks construct meets socio-cultural differences a la Saturday Night Lights meets the phenomenon of match-fixing like Mean Machine or The Longest Yard meets the fish-out-of-water antics of Cool Runnings. Mesmerisingly confusing, non? Anyway, the film is about hockey and women's hockey to be more precise and heralds the coming of age of a team of prima donnas, recluses, violent apes and many more as they take on the world in a sport that is being smothered into remission by cricket. The film takes some brilliantly scathing potshots at cricket and this nation's obsession with it. Marvellous stuff! What is silly is that the film chose to promote itself via the India-England cricket series. What is ridiculous is the fact that the title track from this film blasted throughout the aforementioned Twenty20 series (and the Ind-Eng one) whenever the Indian team did something applause-worthy. But what is downright idiotic is the way the song has arguably turned into India's official sports (read: cricket) anthem. The film is about bringing another sport to life and this is how these idiots use it? (Editor's Note: "Use" is very apt in this context) Not only does the original message of the film get downplayed, but the BCCI unwittingly (and now I am convinced they have no wits, only sackloads of money) uses a film with a message like this for their jingoistic "cricket spirit".

Steady Eddie, therefore, recommends a lighter touch.
With overly extravagant adulation comes borderline (or in some cases, real) psychotic criticism. Steer clear of both and find some middle ground. Let the boys enjoy and savour their (that's right, THEIR) win and provide constructive criticism when they lose, in a forum conducive to discussion and debate and not a witch hunt (which means, Bishen Singh Bedi can count himself out).

But Eddie's not done yet... Alongside a call for greater discretion, moderation and restraint from the board, politicians and "fans" (yeah, fans of a "W" in the result column and not a team), he almost forgot to mention the need for consistency and steadiness from the main actors in this, the theatre of cricket — the players themselves.

Far too often these days do we witness the ugliness of a bowler gesticulating, mouthing off and generally going way over the top with his on-field antics. Certainly, a bit of fiery aggression is always healthy, but when it turns into a spectacle — whether crude, unsportsmanlike or just plain immature — and overshadows the game, it turns into a problem. A problem like the one we're witnessing at the moment with a few players in the Indian team, including but not restricted to Shanthakumaran Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh. Both bowlers have snarled, glared and indulged in various amounts of posturing with little to no gain in this current series against Australia (so far anyway). Truth be told, they've been overtly aggressive ever since they started playing in the team. Sreesanth's already felt the burn of fines and warnings from match referees during a number of series. As for his effectiveness, it's clear that his accuracy and abilities are being undermined by his shenanigans. Whether or not he can bring out his A-game in this series remains to be seen. But what is certain, is that if Mr Sreesanth fails to incorporate Steady Eddie's views on moderation and restraint, we can look forward to seeing him warming the bench a whole lot, as he serves his match bans.

More on aggression and its practitioners in the next post...

Pictures courtesy:
The Hindu
www.cricbuzz.com