A Question of Sport?

Andrew Symonds is an Australian cricketer with 923 Test match runs and 4671 One Day International runs (at the time of going to press). He is an incredibly proficient fielder and a useful bowler at the best of times. He is most definitely not a monkey! That is a fact and one that needs to be made known once and for all.

Wikipedia, everyone's favourite resource for random gubbins, defines a monkey as a member of the grouping known as simian primates yada yada yada... We know monkeys as those cute little furry animals we see in zoos, in films and if you're not of the evolutionist school of thought, then please forgive me, but as our distant ancestors. The point is that they are these ultra cute little critters who do their own thing and amuse us in the process. They are known to mimic the behaviour of other animals, including humans and that is where the idea of "being a monkey" comes from. From mimicking others. Monkeys are also known to be fairly silly (albeit cute and cuddly) creatures and so, calling one another a monkey implies that one feels the other is being silly.

This specimen (Oh I'm so sorry. Is "specimen" a racist term too, now?) on the left — you can't miss it... you REALLY can't — on the other hand, is anything but cute and furry. Furthermore, anyone who chooses to cuddle this vile creation probably deserves a yeast infection. A bit harsh, perhaps. But unjustified, certainly not!! After all, how else is one to address a manipulative person who enjoys projecting oneself as a victim for nothing more than sports-related advantage. (Editor's Note: Roy, Symmo or whatever it is you are called these days, you sicken me! Have some shame!)

The second cricket Test match between India and Australia was a hard fought match, the way Tests are supposed to be played. There were to's and fro's of fortune until a five ball burst at the absolute fag-end of the match that took the last three Indian wickets (including that of Ishant Sharma, a 19 year old from Delhi who has shown nothing but heart since being thrust into the hotseat as India's second opening bowler). As a viewer whose emotions are no longer determined by the result of a cricket match involving India, it appeared to be a fine demonstration of sport at its finest, or so it seemed.

Blatant umpiring biases (Bucknor, it's time to retire and spend your remaining days sipping rum on the island and convincing yourself that you were a good umpire) and unsporting captains driving decisions their way (Ponting, you are a disgrace) aside, the match was brilliant. Two evenly matched sides locking horns in a legendary game of tug-of-war, each attempting to wrest the advantage from each other in gladiatorial fashion. As a sports fan, you really cannot ask for more.

But then, our man with the extended tongue in the picture above decides to grab some more advantage for his team by levelling charges of racism against the opposition. This, from the same team who are known for their abrasive and at times, downright childish ways on the field? 'Fraid so. The latest in that saga is that Harbhajan Singh has been banned for three test matches for his racist ways. Shock! Horror! Is that really such a surprise? With Ponting, Hayden, Symonds (If only that beamer hurled at you by Waqar Younis at Jo'Burg in the 2003 Cricket World Cup in South Africa had cracked you between the eyes and forced some sense and decency into that vacuous head of yours. Is that racist too now?) and only the Lord knows how many other witnesses in tow testifying that "Harbhajan was racist to me ol' macka Symmo. Haydos, Punter and Pup 'eard 'im like a barbie in the middle of summer, mate". Sidestepping the fact that my impressions of Australian bumpkins are very very crap, was anyone really that surprised that this jackass on the right (popularly known as Mike Procter) would rule against Bhajji? I wasn't. Now, it turns out that the BCCI are appealing against the sentence.

Regardless, the important thing is that Kumble and the boys stick around and fight it out with or without Harbhajan in the team and attempt to salvage some lost pride. If for nothing else, then do it for the scorned Turbanator. It's time to step out of the mouldy old "Indian stereotype" and begin to whomp some ass! Go Team India!!!