Good grief, Kapoor!

“It’s bad enough you do it, you do it to yourself;
But taking someone with you
Well, you know that’s something else,”
—What in the World happened to You? (The Offspring)

Regular visitors to The View are in all probability fairly well versed with my limitless reservoirs of love for the television show 24 and my equally zealous abhorrence of the way actor Anil Kapoor has suddenly shot to “stardom” after Slumdog Millionaire. Don’t get me wrong. I begrudge no one the success one he or she has achieved. Like for instance, the way a television show can call itself a success after accumulating a rabid worldwide following after seven consecutively high-quality seasons. I would never dream of begrudging the show it’s success.

However, riding on 19 or so minutes onscreen (in a pretty pathetic manner, if you ask me) and then hopping around like a nutjob everytime the film’s makers receive an award and then, having the audacity to behave like you did a fantastic job... that is something I can and plan to begrudge. Mr Kapoor’s over-the-top antics since Slumdog went over at the Oscars are very well documented. As is the fact that the producers of 24 gave him a role in the upcoming and much-awaited eighth season of the show. What were they thinking? Believe me, I’ve asked myself that repeatedly and I find no answer.

Nevertheless, none of these facts are “breaking news” of any sort. What sparked off this particular post was an article I saw in Bombay Times today that included an interview with the “Slumdog Star”. He tries to talk 24 and with his first or second sentence, already has my blood boiling. He kicks off by trying to explain what the concept of the TV show is — “an espionage and political thriller”. Close enough, I guess. What follows next is a shitstorm of massive proportions.

“24 is to drama, what Friends is to comedy,” is one such choice cut. So, what’re you trying to say, Mr Kapoor? That 24 is mediocre, trite, made to cater to the lowest common denominator and full of highly irritating characters whose lives are only a series of sexcapades (overused word, but a good ’un), innuendos, goof-ups and lame jokes? All of that in drama form, I mean, since Mr Kapoor did say that it is the drama equivalent.

Get a clue, man!

Then, he goes on to reveal the character he’ll be playing. If he had bothered to look into 24 cameos (Arnold Vosloo, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dennis Hopper, Alexander Siddig and more that I’m forgetting), no one reveals the character they are playing. You’re not supposed to, because everything is supposed to be so damn tightlipped as to keep viewers hooked once the season begins.

But no, Mr Kapoor divulges his character and then says, “But I can’t tell you which Middle Eastern country my character is from.” If the moron had bothered to take time out from yelling, “MELLON-AYYYY” every two seconds, he would know that apart from the United States of America and maybe Russia and China, 24 never specifically names ANY country. Whether to avoid stereotyping, controversy, victimisation, I don’t know. Point is, that’s what they do. Right. That’s my rant out of the way.

I just looked at the article again... I cannot stop shaking my head. Why? Why would you honestly cast Anil Kapoor in 24? I’ll be happy to eat my words if he pulls off an excellent performance, but let’s just say it’s not bloody likely. Would you cast Vin Diesel in the remake of Rudaali? Or Jonah Hill in Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii? Or The Great Khali in The Bold and the Beautiful?

You know the answer as well as I do.