A life less ordinary

(copyright - karan pradhan)

I love the Internet!

And why not? I'm sure you do as well, gentle reader.

Ignoring the plethora of information - pornographic or otherwise - available on said tool for worldwide info sharing, you've gotta love the ability to say anything you want and get away with it online. After all, where else are you guaranteed the anonymity and utter transparency to type utter shit about anyone and anything under the sun and escape scot free. Away from consequences, whether they be a fist in the face or a lawsuit.

You can be the most cowardly, two-faced son of a bitch on the face of this planet, who goes yellow and starts shaking in his/her little booties in meatspace and come off as the most bad-ass trash-talking son of a gun online. It's true! But, you don't believe me, do you? Step onto a marvellous little website known as Orkut and see for yourself. You will see a smorgasbord of opinion and cyberwaste that no one really gives a monkey's about. Honestly. Half the halfwits (so does that make them quarterwits then? *titter titter*) turn into the Internet equivalents of Rambo on said website and spout off on matters far beyond their comprehension.

What's that? Freedom of speech, you say. But let me ask you something, intuitive and alert reader, just how free is your speech if it encroaches on someone else's freedom and sentiments? If I want to declare my hatred for X right now on a public forum, there are n number of other people who will be offended by my proclamation or declaration (whichever you prefer). What then? Freedom to tune out and ignore what other people are saying? Yes, that's the spirit. I'm right, and I always will be, so to hell with anyone who disagrees, because I am right!! Is *that* what freedom of speech means? Give me a break!

As a journalist, I value my words and would hate to see them befouled by bad grammar, syntax, punctuation or presence on a free-for-all mêlée such as those presently inhabiting sites like Orkut. However, as you have no doubt guessed, my rant stems from a deeper place and when I get my hands on these foul-mouthed little cretins in meatspace, you can be certain that I will let them have it... Through words of course, not fists... Never fists...

Getting There

(copyright - karan pradhan)

In remembrance of Indian Cricket

Dead rat. Like it? Pretty ain't it?

Analogically speaking, that is the carcass of Indian cricket after the effigy-burning, drivel-spouting, constantly-feeling-owed idiots that are Indian cricket fans, the bloodthirsty and verging-on-psychotic news media and the paper pushing, money grubbing and smooth talking shysters that are the Board of Control for Cricket in India have picked it clean and taken it for all it's worth.

While this may not be a representation of the exact state of affairs right now, it's pretty damn close. But why?

All of this stems from the biggest curse in disguise that Indian cricket suffered in 1983. I refer to the crowning of the Indian team as World Champions in that, the third edition of the World Cup (Note that there were only 8 teams then and no Bangladesh *chortle chortle*). I'm not going to commit to stating whether it was or wasn't a fluke. But, the sad reality is that it turned a mass of people, who couldn't really care less about cricket into a screaming mob, always under the false impression that they are owed a victory in every single match in every single tournament.

So the 2007 team went under prepared and overconfident to the Caribbean. So a lot of media houses and corporates hyped up the team's chances. So the team got its sorry little collective ass handed to it on a plate by teams far worse than it. So it spelled an early return for the team. So what?
It's a game, ferchrissakes!!!

"But this is all water under the bridge," I hear you cry. Water under the bridge, perhaps. But the stench of this sewage flavoured water still irritates my olfactory senses. The fact that we are such an idol-worshiping nation, so ungrounded in reality is the real insight to be taken from this proverbial water.

Let's ignore for a second, the notion that we readily accept (and as daily behaviour, no less) people stalking film actors (I refuse to call them 'stars'), going to idiotic lengths to catch a glimpse of them, conducting ridiculous rituals in their name and obsessing about their stupidly self-indulgent weddings. The unhealthy levels of adulation and later, scorn that sports persons (read: cricketers) are subjected to, is really frightening. Effigy burning and effigies riding donkeys is still marginally acceptable (See, even I've been desensitised). But when families of these cricketers receive death threats, well, that's just something else entirely.

For the record, these people, whether a Parthiv Patel or a Sachin Tendulkar, essentially start playing the sport for themselves, not for a 'Blue Billion' or the crippled boy in hospital or anything of the sort, regardless of what advertising what have you believe. Later, their levels of skill see them rise higher and higher in the local, regional and national ranks and they are eventually selected to represent India on the international arena. By the sheer dint of their hard work, it must be stressed. It's not a democratic process and it's not like the 'fans' (I use this term as an abbreviation of 'fanatic' as in 'fanatical about a person/persons' and not to categorise an enthusiast of the sport) voted for them to represent India. Which is why I'm quite distressed by the fact that people, let me rephrase that, idiots will stand up on the soapbox and start screaming about how the team is nothing but a bunch of traitors, how they brought shame to the nation and more such nonsense. What is a shame to the nation is the stupidly high-horsed and heavy-handed attitude being exhibited by people (with the authority to get things done), in banning Sex Education in schools. More on that in a later piece.

Sidestepping the fact that people do buy into the grief of a loss and take it a bit too personally, I do believe the media plays its role (rather irresponsibly, might I add) in dare I say, even endorsing people's misguided notions. Admittedly, ours is a fairly young news media and the battle for TRPs is massive. But I fail to see why promoting the views and actions of idiots is the way to go in order to grab eyeballs. Plus, it doesn't really help that retired cricketers themselves indulge in irresponsible behaviour and make stupid remarks that merely fan the fires of public idiocy. I can understand that every now and again, one craves public attention, but there has got to be a better way to receive it than through being an idiot.

Which brings us neatly to the businessmen and politicians running the richest cricket board in the world, the BCCI (Biggest Collection of Clowns in India, if you ask me). Wait! Richest? Then why the hell are the stadia around the country so shoddy? Why are the grassroots facilities so meagre and training academies so inept? "We are actively promoting competitive tournaments in the Under-15, Under-17 and Under-19 brackets and resowing grounds around the country." Slickly delivered lines by greasy, slick-haired bureaucrats! No, what you are actually actively doing is overworking players by organising pointless friendly fixtures around the world for the enjoyment of wealthy Arabs (among others) in order to generate more revenue and selling the broadcast rights for cricket matches to a bloody entertainment channel network (not even a genuine sports network). And we're the ones who have to put up with the same advertisements playing over and over again (Aditya Birla Group - Bringing India to the World, anyone?), often causing us to miss live cricket and replays, because they want to sell the rights to an entertainment network. Just what they do with their bloated bank account, I'll never know. But that's not what we're here to discuss. We're here to look at concepts like 'reprimanding' players for returning so soon from the World Cup. Reprimanding someone for losing will do nothing but create such a fear of failure that the team will continue to choke in important games for fear of loss. It's easy to sit and claim that they are professionals and as a result, don't get scared of losing. Take a little breather and re-read that. How ridiculous does that sound? When one's life and those of one's family could be at risk, you bet they'd be afraid of the consequences of a loss.

This paralysing fear of loss is what needs to be examined. And if you look closely enough, you'll see how closely linked it is to the demands ('expectations' is too mild a word) of an army of braying 'fans', of media with unrealistic aspirations and of a board that enjoys make statements more than actually doing anything productive (for Indian cricket and not the board members themselves).

All things considered, who'd be an Indian cricketer anymore?

Stupid Bangalore!!

Yep, it's official... Aerosmith have confirmed a venue and city change from Mumbai to Bangalore for the 2nd of June 2007 show. It would in no way surprise me if I were to find out that the cause for venue change was the asphyxiating red tape that we, the common citizens encounter everyday!
"Yeh form bharo"
"Yahaan jaa kar 100 rupaiye bharo"
"Chalan le kar aao"
... and other assorted bullshit of that sort.

That being said, I wonder how people in oh let's say... Nashville, Tennessee would react if they were to discover that a show was being shifted all the way to New York City? We wouldn't have to find out because no one would actually do something like that!

Does it then become okay to jerk around with Indian fans?