Only because everyone’s doing it...

The biggest story of the week — a sad reflection of just how lame the week was in terms of news — was unquestionably the hoo-hah about the Indian remake of Simple Jack (remember Tropic Thunder?). I’m sure at least two or three other people have noted the shocking similarities between My Name is Khan and Simple Jack. It’s sadly not a theory for which I can with any semblance of a conscience take credit. Especially considering the fact that it was that bum Luke the Nuke who came up with it.

His reasoning?

- Jack isn’t quite firing on all cylinders *points at head* up there and neither is Khan.
- A woman empathises with Jack and finds his take on the world fascinating enough to fall in love with him. Ditto Khan.
- Jack loses his mother at a pivotal point of his life. As does Khan.

There were a few more. I cannot remember off the top of my head.

Wandered away from my damn point again. So, in what was a very slow week for news, the Shiv Sena took offence to comments made by Shah Rukh Khan about cricket transcending international boundaries blah blah blooey... “You’ll never work in this town again, you Pakistan-lover,” the Sena tells Khan and threatens to tear down cinema halls screening his new film. And calls for a ban on the film. Obviously.

Friday, February 12 saw the smooth release of the film, albeit with police protection for cinema halls. A few incidents of stone-pelting etc. notwithstanding, proceedings went off peacefully enough. It seemed the Sena chief had — not for the first time — bitten off more than he could chew in taking on a major public figure. I’m all for freedom of cinema and all that and I’m glad the film released. And yes, I began writing this post only because everyone else is talking about this.

Now, however, we’re changing the course that was originally plotted. Starboard! Right... Everyone who’s anyone came out and tweeted, facebook’ed, spoke or blogged about how this was a victory for democracy, for Indian people, for people who stand up to bullies and so on. Did no one realise how ridiculous it was to be getting all happy about something as trivial as a film release?

Spare me the naive rhetoric, but I do not buy the whole “We have to start somewhere and this generation is awakening at last” bullshit. Honestly, getting so Goddamn happy about a film releasing. The kind of money and power behind that film is more than sufficient to have ensured that the film would be a massive hit across India regardless of whether or not people went to watch it on the day of release.

As for the Sena, they’ve gone from being a solid force to a silly farce. Their antics get more cartoony by the day and their leader’s senility is slowly turning into an embarrassment for his son and family. There was no way in hell — even with the support of their mindless followers — that the Sena could possibly have stopped the film. It just wouldn’t have happened. Not only is the party’s supporter base slowly dwindling, but the police — as commanded by the state government — would probably have cracked some skulls and put agitators on ice for a while.

Also, while the aim may have originally been to teach Khan a lesson, what the Sena unwittingly went and did was to confer “legend” status on the film. It could even be the suckiest film ever made. Much much worse than Daisies. Much much worse. The point is all the hype and controversy will only pull in bigger and bigger crowds to watch the film. And to think that all the controversy had nothing to do with the film or its contents. It was about cricket... rather Khan’s comments about cricketers. Jeez.

So, in closing, I’d like to offer my two cents worth of advice to the major players here.
To Khan: You just pulled off a coup here, sunshine. Enjoy it, but don’t let it get to your head.
To the Shiv Sena: Just give up the political game. You’d make a brilliant PR firm. I can see it now. Sainik Relations. Good eh?
To Ben Stiller: Get your lawyers on the phone and sue the pants off Karan Johar and co. for plagiarism. I want a 3.5 percent cut of the millions you’ll inevitably get. I’m not greedy.

21/02/2010 Update: The actual film in itself was pretty damn good.