I’ve been reporting for over a year and a half now and in that time, I’ve been to a fair few press conferences. Some of them begin on time, the press notes are precise and have all the info and the people addressing them are willing to answer all questions unflinchingly. Unless there’s some product or service to promote, these are usually very rare. Then there are those press conferencesthat start late, because after declaring a start time of 3 pm, the person holding the conference, doesn’t see fit to turn up before 3.40 pm. Said person goes on to evade questions and then promptly declares the conference over at 4 pm.
(I know who I’m talking about, some of you know who I’m talking about. There really is no need to try and be smart and mention the person or go, “He he yeah, I know. So true” in the comments section. If on the other hand, you don’t know who I’m on about and haven’t had the fortune of crossing paths with him, consider him to be merely a hypothetical example. Thanks)
Similarly, people have different motivating factors to go to press conferences. For a bunch of people, it’s the chance to get a story and get questions answered with minimal fuss that does it. For others, it’s a chance to network. For some, it’s a chance for some good ol’ fashioned free food and for another group, it’s a surrogate social life. And for one particular set of chumps, well, I frankly haven’t a clue as to why they go to press conferences at all.
I’m sure you, gentle readers, have watched a rap or hip hop video before. And you must have noticed that behind the rapper is a group of around a dozen bizarrely-dressed (fluorescent suits with matching hats, shades and walking sticks, for instance) half-wits who basically sway with the music. Every now and then, one of them will yell, “Hail Yeah” in a deep as the sea, gravelly-ass voice. That’s only once in a while. For the rest of the time, they’re just standing around taking up space on the stage.
It is exactly like that at politically-oriented press conferences. There are tons of examples, but I’ll only cite two. After the results of the 2009 General Elections were declared, the leaders of the Congress came and sat along a dais to meet the press and share their joy. However, what the group of around 35 (no lie) behind them was doing, I’ll never know. Standing around. Looking into different cameras. Nodding. That’s it. Not even a courtesy “Hail Yeah!” to get the crowd going. Nothing.
Just yesterday, a major union dispute was sorted and as such, the leader of the union saw fit to barge into a room where the media had been assembled to watch the premiere of a new “save water” ad. So, Mr Union Leader walks in to speak to the press accompanied by a glut of clowns, who push their way through an already packed room and just stand at the back doing... well, doing nothing. Just standing. And taking up breathing air and space in that little room that was being fought for by mediapersons gathered there.
And just as with these hip hop or rap shows, nobody there makes any sense. What “Maananiya this” and “Saheb that” have to do with the most obscure things on the planet I will never know. The person may just as well be reciting the lyrics to Snow’s Informer or be yelling “Is... New... York up in the house?” for all I know. My point is that the similarities are numerous and profound. Go see for yourself.
That being said, in case, you felt I was exonerating the role of, or saying “aww poor thing” to mediapersons a paragraph ago, you are mistaken. Mediapersons are usually the biggest clowns in the whole circus. Just like a rap show again, where the crowd is generally, the biggest set of fools. Who’d pay good money to see that nonsense, I ask you? (I kid... I kid... Oi crowds are far stupider) Long story short, despite the delay yesterday, caused by Mr Union, most mediapersons didn’t think it prudent to get on with the whole scheduled conference. Instead, they kept interrupting every two seconds, with that whole my question or query or demand for language of communication is more important.
I kid you not, there was a point where all I could hear was the fishmarket sounds of “Hindi, hindi, hindi” by certain sections that wanted the medium of communication to be Hindi. “Marathi, Marathi, Marathi” by those who wanted it in... obviously... Marathi. And finally, “Siddy, siddy, siddy” by those who couldn’t care less about the language and just wanted to watch the “siddy” that contained the ad. Computer fucking up and not being able to play the actual “siddy” was another fun little delay.
P.S - I must’ve been quite irritated by that whole set of events yesterday, which doesn’t usually happen to me. Not with press conferences anyway. Last night, I dreamt I was a Sentinel (a squiddy, if you will) — an autonomous sentient being on a search humans and destroy humans mission. I usually have fun dreams.
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