Big F'N Deal (!)

You know it’s a slow day in the news media biz when the main story is deputy CM and the (hitherto believed to be non-existent) missing link between humans and bulldogs, Chhagan Bhujbal saying, “I am the host of the meeting. Why should I give my passport details?”. The sad thing however is that it isn’t merely a slow day, it’s been an extremely slow week (if not fortnight). So much so that it’s really no fun reading the newspapers any more.

Being as it’s such a slow time, there’s only 2 stories that everyone’s yelling and screaming from the rooftops about. The first is that delightful Adarsh Cooperative Housing Society story, where the media actually seems surprised that Mumbai’s political top-brass (allegedly including human-bulldog hybrid) is complicit in claiming apartments that were meant for war widows. Plus, the building itself is unauthorised in that it is a security risk (too close to defence installations) and it violates environmental regulations. I got bored of this story in no time. Kick out the corrupt politicos and bring in even more corrupt bastards to replace them. That’s the general way things go.

The other story that has been dominating is quite obviously all the hullaballoo about Barack Obama’s trip to India. Let’s for a second put aside all this “visiting my role model Mahatma Gandhi’s country” and the “paying homage to the victims (of the November 26 massacre)” stuff. Let’s also put aside all these fanciful dreams and hopes (that verge on the delusional) that India has about this visit — the Security Council seat, a better defence deal, solid backing against Pakistan. Forget about it. It ain’t gonna happen.

Here is what is going to happen. There’s a reason Obama’s on his way with two full plane-loads of “captains of industry” — CEOs, MDs, GMs and the ilk or so I’m told — and there’s a reason the first (and arguably, more important to them than Delhi) stop is India’s financial capital. Keep in mind that the American economy is yet to recover from the debilitating recession. Business ventures in India could prove to be just the ticket for many firms feeling the pinch. Then of course, there’s the fact that looking like you’re best pals with India could help turnaround Obama’s sagging popularity. At least among the Indian-American voters. Finally, the third plus of this trip for Obama and possibly the most significant from a strategic standpoint, will be the message it will send out to China.

But that’s it.

Stories about how XYZ Road is being spruced up for his visit or how ABC cops are taking some precautions before the visit have bored the hell out of me already, but the worst is probably that stupid one about some hotel making an Obama platter. Big f'n deal. I was never even interested in that shit, so being bored is out of the question. Like I said, it’s a slow time for news.

Speaking of which, I’ve often wondered whether certain foreign celebrities enjoy such a thriving Indian fanbase to merit an almost daily update on them. Alright now if it was people like George Lucas, Jackie Chan, Sylvester Stallone or I don’t know, Bono... people who are EXTREMELY well-known in India, it would make sense. But what makes Eva Longoria so important and why is she plastered across papers nearly everyday for some banal reason or the other. How her relationship with her husband is so healthy, how she used to be bullied as a kid, how she is thinking of getting a driver’s licence, how she.. I don't know... bought a bloody hamster or something. As far as I know her only claim to fame was being in Desperate Housewives.

And the other is Lady Gaga. I’ve heard that her music is quite popular abroad, but I didn’t know it was all that big here. Now either both of them have a really hardworking PR team in India or I’m living in a completely alternate reality to the rest of India.

P.S - Which is probably more than evident given how much I fume watching the Indian version of Masterchef. Why is it that there is literally no TV show that we, Indians can replicate (or rip off) without making it cheap as hell, given that most shows we rip off are pretty cheap to begin with?